Things that suck about having anxiety #1

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I feel like more people have anxiety disordes than people in general think, and unfortunately, I am one of those people. I’m starting a series of posts that share what it’s like to deal with anxiety. This is hard, because I don’t like to feel vulnerable or embarassed, but my hopes are that someone suffering with something similar can know they are not alone.

The first thing that sucks about having anxiety is watching something on tv that, even though it’s completely irrational, makes you feel anxious. Usually it’s a situation that you suddenly imagine you were in. It could be people crawling through air ducks, or people lost in a forest, or even people in a crowded train car. These are things you avoid because they are triggers, and even though you are safe and sound in your living room, your breath has sped up and your stomach is now upset. 

I often avoid going to movies for the same reason. Crowds and being stuck in one place don’t go over well with me, so it’s hard to keep it together when the explosions are loud and the action is intense. 

It sounds silly, but the mind of an anxious person is an irrational one. Accepting that is one of the most difficult things someone can do.

-Collins

get to know me

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Here’s a piece for you to get to know Kay from “Unit 17.”

The brakes of the truck groan as Kay rolls to a stop at the gate where a guard is stationed. Nikki sits in back with the cargo, banished there by Kay, who refused to have him ride shotgun. I turn in my seat as the guard, I recognize as Morrow, emerges from her tiny control booth. Her neon green hair is a stark contrast to her black jumpsuit.

“Howdy, Theo,” she smiles, “Kay.”

Kay dips her chin, but let’s me speak. I am the leader after all.

“Morrow.”

She holds a small tablet, which is used to keep track of who enters and exits the compound. It scans the truck and in seconds she has a tally of every living inside.

“Two Rejecteds acquired? And Nikki’s in the back?”

“That’s right.”

“Good job, Theo,” she says, her green hair blowing around her face as she leans in the driver’s side window. “How was it being unit leader?”

“I er… It was fine,” I say lamely, not wanting to get into specifics.

Morrow appears oblivious to my mood and continues on in a longing tone. “I wish they would let me off guard duty. I still haven’t gone on a Rejecteds assignment yet. Always just stupid stuff, like getting supplies, or picking up stranded units.” She lets out a sigh.

“Are you going to let us in already, or are you going to gripe about how you didn’t get any marshmallows in your Lucky Charms next?” Kay barks. I knew she could only put up with Morrow’s small talk for so long.

Morrow takes a few steps back from the truck, looking dejected. Tapping a few times on the tablet, the gate begins to roll back with a mechanical grind of gears. “You may proceed,” she says, like she’s said it about a thousand times, with just as little enthusiasm.

“Finally,” Kay mutters, steering us through the opening and towards the Center. I give her a look but don’t say anything. I find its better not to point out that she’s being rude, because then she turns on you, and that’s a whole other can of bitchy worms. I learned that from experience.

-Collins

Get to know: Erin

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Collins and I are currently working on a new project that includes all of the best things. Action, superheros, romance, pranks and best friends. This is a section to help introduce our main heroine, Erin. Or Em as she is known to most of everyone.

The feeling that has been worming its way into my mind lately is nagging at me again. This has been happening since I was a child. No one ever took it seriously, no one except Theo. I shake my head at thoughts of him. I try not to take it seriously either. It’s never done me any good. Sometimes I can go months without the feelings, without the dreams.

-Turner

Get to know me

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Turner and I are excited to start sharing some get to know me posts now. Here is a peek into one of the main characters named “Theo” from our new book titled “Unit 17.”

I have tried almost all the doors and am about to give up, thinking Nikki got the count wrong, when I hear a small cry come from behind a vending machine a few feet away near the window that Kay looked in. A small brown-haired girl peeks her head out from behind the machine, her eyes wide. I start toward her and she backs up to the wall, her fingers wrapping around the sill of the window. She couldn’t be more than fourteen.

She looks frantically around, her eyes wild with fear.

I lock my eyes on her and speak in a soothing tone. “There is no need to be afraid. I am not going to hurt you.”

Her breathing slows and she relaxes a little as my suggestion roots itself inside her brain.

“Good, that’s good. Now I’m just going to take you down to—“

I am passing by the vending machine when it topples over and crushes me beneath it, pinning my legs to the floor. I cry out in pain.

A boy a little older than the girl with angry eyes and a sneer emerges from behind the machine and darts towards the girl. He grabs her hand and snaps her out of my suggestion. I reach for my weapon then, but it is trapped between my hip and the machine. They barrel down the hallway, towards the stairwell that Kay has left unguarded.

Dammit.

“Nikki, Kay. There are two children running down the back stairs. Intercept them, now!”

“What?” Kay bellows, agitation clear in her voice.

“You heard me.”

My legs are in some serious pain right now, and I’m no Jax. I can’t just lift this thing off me like it’s nothing. I prop myself up on my elbows and look around. There’s a fire extinguisher I could use to get enough leverage to move my legs out but it’s attached to the wall where I can’t reach it. I’m stuck. And I look like a total idiot. So there’s that.

A few minutes later Kay and Nikki come running down the hall.

“Jesus!” Kay says.

“Just get this thing off me,” I say, trying to keep the embarrassment out of my voice.

Any insight into what you think this story is going to be about?

-Collins

A birthday wish

friendship, get to know me, joy, life, Uncategorized

Hey everyone!

As you all know, Collins is our main squeeze. She writes all the cool blog posts, posts all the cool music and is all around just super cool. Collins is the brains behind this crazy duo we have. It was recently my second halfs birthday, and I’d like to extend another one on here! May all her years furthermore be amazing and let’s hope she keeps pumping out all that awesome writing!

Your friend, Turner.

behind the scenes

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I can’t be the only one who enjoys behind the scenes and the making of documentaries, can I? I actually like watching these more than watching the actual movie. Why, you may ask. Well here’s why.

I like to see how things are put together, how this movie was made out of all its tiny parts. I like to listen to individuals and understand what they were trying to achieve, why they shot something or designed something a certain way. I like to listen to what the director intended people to feel. I like to have things pointed out that I may have missed while watching the movie the first time. I understand a movie in much more depth after.

I love to see those little parts I mentioned earlier in action, AKA, behind the scenes. The culmination of everyone, the director, the camera men, the actors, to create something is so beautiful. To watch something raw, before it is edited and movie-fied is so engrossing to me. I say this because when you get to watch cameras filming actors acting, in the moment you can see what’s really happening. The actors are just people pretending a story on a set while real life is going on around them. You get to see these people being themselves between takes and I find that fascinating.

-Collins

Get to Know me

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Let’s get to know Maria, Stef’s step-mother from “Betrayal Comes After.”

Cyn and I have made it about ten steps inside the carved mahogany doors of my house when Maria hears us.

“Persephone,” she calls in a shrill voice, a Colombian accent coloring her words. “Did you pick up the order from Atkin’s Lingerie like your father asked?”

I cringe at the foot of the stairs. “Please just call me Stef,” I say over my shoulder. I don’t really want to look at Maria.

“Stef,” she says sarcastically, “That’s not a proper reply to my question. Turn and face me when you’re speaking to me.”

When I turn to face her, I make sure I’m standing on the first step, so I’m just a little taller than her. I have the misfortune of noticing the extremely low cut top she wears to display her fake boobs. She’s wearing some sort of spandex leggings she thinks can pass for pants. The fact that I can see her thong through them proves they don’t. She stands with her hands on her hips. Cyn sits perched at the top of the stairway, a grin plastered across her face; she thinks Maria is a riot. “Yes we did.”

Maria glances around dramatically. “Really? Where’s the box? I don’t see a box.”

Does Maria seem like sunshine and roses, or like fluorescent lights and Venus fly traps? Let Turner and I know in the comments.

-Collins

Get To Know Me

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Let’s get to know our main male character, Luka, from “Betrayal Comes After” through a conversation with his mother.

“Okay,” I say, not returning her kisses or embraces. I haven’t been able to in years.

“Well, isn’t that lovely,” she smiles. I can tell it isn’t genuine. It’s the same smile I use.

“Yes,” I respond. I look past her towards my father’s office hoping she will catch on to my clear displeasure in the direction this conversation is taking. She takes the hint. Her eyes narrow, and she quickly plasters her fake smile back into place.

“Right, well. You best be on your way.”

“Yes.”

“You have a good day, Luka. Perhaps we could have dinner together as a family sometime?”

I eye her wearily. Something is up. I have a feeling I am about to find out. “Okay,” I say, finally stepping away from her and making a hasty retreat to my father’s office. I’m not sure which is the lesser of two evils: my superficial, fake mother, or my overly robust, self-centred, abusive father. Apparently I choose the latter.

What do you think Luka’s home life is like? What do you think he does for a living? Let Turner and I know in the comments!

-Collins

Get To Know Me

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Any posts with the “Get To Know Me” label are going to be dedicated to getting to know some of Turner and I’s characters better. We are going to take a look at one of the main characters from our first book “Betrayal Comes After.” Let’s catch a glimpse of Stef through this excerpt:

“Are you almost ready, darling?” my mother calls through the door.

“Yes, mom, just a minute,” I reply as I slip a white cocktail dress over my head. It may be a little too mature for a seventeen year old, but this is the sort of thing you wear to one of my father’s parties.

“Alright, Stef, I’ll be downstairs parading around in front of the lions. The limo leaves in five minutes to take us to the party.”

I giggle as I zip up the side of the dress. She’s the only one who calls me by my nickname. Most people don’t know how you would get “Stef” from “Persephone” but I have my three year old self pronouncing it “Per-stef-o-ne” to thank for that, and my parents for naming me something as strange as Persephone.

What kind of character does Stef sound like to you? What do you think she looks like? What kind of party do you think she’s going to? Turner and I would love to hear your interpretation in the comments!

-Collins