To everyone out there.

advice, beautiful, beauty, Blog, compliments, creative, self esteem, Uncategorized

Sometimes…no, almost always, writing is my therapy. I needed a session today and I’ve decided to share it with everyone. I hope this helps someone else out there too.

-Turner

I’ve always tried to believe that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. That it came from within. That we should be looking at personality, not looks.
All the cliches, all the words of encouragement given to you by people who didn’t understand what it was like to look in the mirror and see a monster. To feel like someone, but have the reflection of someone else. A person who is unwanted, unattractive. Lumpy, large, freckled, pock marked…whatever it may be that you see. That I see.
Now, some may try to put the blame on society and the media for putting people, especially women, under a certain scrutiny. We are forced to play with Barbies with disproportionate bodies. We watch music videos and shows with young women with skinny bodies, perfect skin and long, glossy hair. Advertisers tell us how easy it is to become active, get a gym membership. Take these diet pills. Follow this. Do that. All the while raking in the cash of women who believe that what they are being told is true. That if we do this, we will feel better about ourselves. I do believe this has a very large adverse affect on our thinking, but it’s not all. Because it’s not always about our environment…
It is about us. Our sense of being, knowing who we are, what we look like and feeling less than enough. We are in constant competition with ourselves, we want to be better, do better. But our best never seems to be enough. I speak to all those women who fall victim to self doubt, lack of motivation. To those who see what I see when they look in the mirror.
I want above all things to allow myself to just be…to be who I am, not what I look like. I want to believe those damn cliches and I want to feel better. I want to fall prey to trends, I just want to let go and fall. But I don’t…because despite this all, despite the fear of reflection, fear of rejection and the all consuming grief I can feel sometimes…I know I AM better than this. I am beautiful, even when I don’t feel like I am, even when I can’t get myself into the store to try on new clothes, or when my skin breaks out and I try to turn away from people’s gazes. And you are too.
I just wanted you all out there to know, that I see you. I feel you. You’re beautiful, we all are.
Cliche, yes please.

Twitter: turnercollins_

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Compliments: The Dos & Don’ts

advice, compliments, controversial, do and don'ts, words to live by
  1. Do use them sparingly. If you continually compliment someone every single time you see them, the magic begins to wear off and they might start to think of you as being jealous or a suck-up.
  2. Don’t compliment someone unless you genuinely mean it. This goes for anyone, but especially for those in customer service. It becomes quite obvious it is part of your job when you compliment everyone in line as they pay for their stuff. The specialness you feel when someone gives you an unprompted compliment is unbridled, but when it’s just a robotic “Your outfit is super cute, I love it” and she’s said it to the three other people in front of you… well, you know.
  3. If you are going to compliment someone without actually meaning it, at least say it in a believable tone. Because nothing is worse than receiving a compliment you know was fake.
  4. Do not feel the need to “trade” compliments. If someone you are interacting with tells you they love your shoes, don’t say “thanks, and I love your jacket.” You just sound insincere.
  5. Do not fish for compliments. If you want to go fishing, take your fishing pole and bait and head over to the nearest lake. There is nothing worse than someone who feels the need to gain validation from others through dropping hints.
  6. Do refrain from giving your friends loaded compliments such as “OMG you look so skinny in that dress” or “Those shorts make your butt look so small.” These are superficial and could make your friend feel uncomfortable or ashamed of their body. Focus on non-material centered compliments like “You are so good at staying positive.”
  7. Do accept the compliment. Just say “thank you” and take the freaking compliment. Someone went out of their way and just gave you an honest opinion of what they like about you. Don’t think you’re not worth it, or that you don’t agree, or tear yourself down. Just. Take. The. Compliment.
  8. And finally, do make it a habit to give one genuine compliment a day. I find complimenting someone is a gift that gives to both the receiver, as well as the sender. When you make someone else feel good, you feel good in return, and that’s a great feeling.

-Collins